There was nothing to say, and we said nothing. for Reed Quintet was composed by Logan Rutledge (b. 1993) and published in 2022.

Trigger warning, details of sexual assault.

My first date as an openly gay adult was when I was nineteen, tinder had just come out and I was excited to give the app a try. I was in my sophomore year, trying to discover myself and figure out what I was doing in the toxic environment that was my first undergrad. During this date, I felt pushed and prodded into a corner, trying to avoid conflict with this new person. After the date was presumed to be over, I was to drive him home, I was greatly looking forward to this experience being over, between my social anxiety, this being my first date, and the looming controlling behavior signaling red flag after red flag, I just wanted to be alone. Nearing his house, he started touching me without my consent, I told him to stop, but he kept insisting and reaching further. I was driving, so I was in a vulnerable position, unable to use my body to fight him off, I was left with my words. That was until he reached into my jorts and started fondling me. It was then that I promptly stopped the car in the middle of Ybor City and pushed him out of the car, speeding away before my door was closed in fear and silence. This would further stunt my ability to grow intimately with other men for quite some time. I didn’t go on another date for several years, until after I got clean.

I tell this story from my past because I couldn’t stop thinking about this as the #metoo movement propelled forward, giving strength to survivors to come forward about their experience and feel solidarity amongst each other. As a comedy lover, two idols of mine had admitted to sexual assault, Bill Cosby and Louis C.K. I was devastated, I felt personally betrayed by them, I still do. My Master's Thesis would be about my feelings associated with Louis C.K.’s violation. The title There was nothing to say, and we said nothing. Comes from a podcast called “The Mental Illness Happy Hour” hosted by another comedian Paul Gilmartin. I have often found solace here, and inspiration to write a piece about my truth. It is important that when this piece is played, it is contextualized to some extent so that people can understand the meaning behind the notes and rhythms.

For more information about Logan, including his other published works, visit his composer page.